I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking about value
lately, or more specifically knowing your own worth. When we think of value we
often think of things that are valuable or are value for money which implies
value is directly related to money or external worth. But what about knowing
your own intrinsic worth?
We’ve been brought up believing
that feminine qualities are somehow less valuable in the workplace than those
that are considered more masculine. Competition, confidence, being strong,
being ruthless and/or independent are highly prized qualities at work. Whereas
being nurturing, supportive, caring, dependable or collegiate are somehow less
valuable.
I was raised by a strong woman and grew up in a house that was more clearly driven by feminine
gender traits but I was taught to believe I could do anything, be anything and
that being a strong, independent woman was a good thing. I was taught that you
didn’t have to choose between being friendly and supportive and still getting
ahead in your career
I believe we all have a little bit of both masculine and
feminine traits in us, whether we’re male or female, and having balance between
those traits inside and outside of work is the optimal situation. But when we
live in a highly consumerist world which is driven by achieving more, meaning
generally making more money, and in the context of more men being in senior
management positions than women, there is little wonder that as a culture we
believe being individualistic and competitive are better qualities to have.
I love the cut and thrust of business, I enjoy succeeding
and achieving and I love competing but I prefer to compete as a team than stand
on others just to get myself noticed. I’ll happily promote others
contributions, even if it means I’m not in the lime light myself. I take pride
from seeing others develop and shine. But if you work somewhere that does not
attribute value to these qualities, how do you prove your worth? Do you behave
more like everyone else or do you keep your integrity and stick to the values
that you believe in?
I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching lately about my values, what I perceive as having worth and whether being competitive and ruthless
is the only way to get recognition? Being a Business Psychologist I’ve done a
lot of research into high performing businesses and sure, organisations that
promote external benefits such as pay, bonuses and promotion can be successful
but are employees happy?
Research tells us that when employees are motivated by
intrinsic values, such as believing in what their organisation is trying to
achieve, working together towards a common purpose and are supported and made
to feel valued through regular feedback, they perform better than those who are
only offered money in return. In fact, highly engaged employees are not only
more motivated but that in turn has a benefit on the bottom line and actually
makes the business more successful.
Knowing this, I still don’t understand why both masculine and
feminine qualities are not equally prized. Is there a reason why by the age of
30 many women have either dropped out of the workplace or taken a step back in
terms of responsibility? Yes this is also because women still take on most of
the childcare responsibilities but then why are they still having to choose?
I have been in situations where it has been
strongly inferred that to get promoted means making sacrifices in my
personal life. To consider where I want to be in the future and whether I could
balance my work alongside having a family. This only becomes more prevalent once you get married as assumptions are made that you'll be off soon anyway. Making assumptions is always dangerous, especially where having a family is concerned, as not everyone follows that path. And instead of telling women they should choose between
work and family life, society and organisations should have evolved to a
point where the conversation is about helping women and men balance work and
life.
Of course one way of doing business is all about working 16
hour days but I think there is a way for people to work smarter, not harder.
How can you be sure that people are performing at their peak for those 16 hours
a day? Or would they be better off having proper down time, pursuing their
hobbies, spending time with their family? Perhaps they’ll be more motivated and
productive employees if organisations help them balance work and life.
So back to the issue of value and worth. Is it right that
someone else can determine your worth or is it just logical that you’re only
worth what someone else is prepared to value you at? I suppose if we only
measure worth based on one set of criteria, we’ll forever find that typically
feminine values are less highly regarded and prized. People will be less
inclined to work together, share in each other’s successes and celebrate
differences.
I just also want to say here that this isn’t purely about gender,
as some men exhibit more feminine traits but organisational culture
at the minute is very biased towards masculine traits, putting both men and
women at a disadvantage. So we have a choice, we can either get on board,
conform to the bias and act more masculine at work, or we can stand together,
celebrate diversity and show that there is another way.
Over time I hope this is the way all organisations will see
the world but for now we all have to know how to play the game in the world
while still nudging things in the right direction.
So here are my top tips for demonstrating your worth in
workplace:
First of all, know your value and don’t let anyone tell
you’re worth less. Especially if you’re a woman in a heavily masculine
culture. I’ve experienced it myself where over time where it can erode your
self-esteem and makes you question your own worth. This is precisely what other
people with fragile egos to do to make them feel more important. Don’t let them.
Secondly, make sure you can prove your worth. People
believe you cannot put numbers and targets on more intrinsic values like
helpfulness and team work. This is untrue, it just requires a bit more
creativity than looking at the bottom line of a spreadsheet. As well as
ensuring your workplace measures some of these traits, you do also have to
ensure you can also demonstrate your value in more traditional metrics such as
income generated, ability to show initiative and even when working in a team,
always know exactly what your individual contribution to the outcome was.
Thirdly, be seen. If you don’t think you are being
valued, be bold and change the story about you. A typical feminine trait is
being passive and modest, and humility is a great quality to retain, but being
passive does not get you noticed. You’ve got to face this head on – network
your ass off, make sure people know what you’re doing.
Use the adage 20% show pony and 80% work horse, which means
spend most of your time finding projects that are a great match for your
skills, work hard and deliver what you say you will. Then spend 20% of your
time being your own awesome PR machine. Tell others about your achievements (in
a nice way), use social media platforms such as Linked In, volunteer for new
assignments and cultivate strong sponsor relationships where someone in a
senior position will advocate for you.
Finally, try to move beyond the blockers. If you have
a manager who is impeding you or undervaluing you at work, then try to find
ways to work beyond them with other managers who will support you by
volunteering for other projects. Take opportunities to hold them to account by
putting on record in appraisals or one to one meetings that you would like more
opportunity for visibility and ask them what they specifically can do to give
you that opportunity. Be tenacious and follow up with them afterwards if they
don’t fulfil their promises.
If all of the above doesn’t work and you still feel like you
are not being shown the value you deserve then this is where it is so important
to know and jealously guard your own worth. If your current employer
refuses to show you the value you deserve, go somewhere where they will value
you.
I’ve seen so many bright, talented people stay stuck in jobs
that erode their confidence and keep them stuck in the same place for years, as
if they were in an abusive relationship and sometimes this is the case. Their
boss praises them one minute and then threatens that they might not have a job
the next, being overly controlling and grabbing all of the glory for their
successes. This is not a healthy place to be and if you find yourself here, run!
Don’t let the pattern take hold as it is incredibly destructive to self-esteem.
Value is important, as perception is reality in the work
world, but really knowing your own worth is so much more essential.
Have you experienced any of these things at work or anywhere
else? What did you do to solve it?
